I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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