no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
