He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
