hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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