You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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