i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
