I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is wine microwaveable?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
