We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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