i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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