I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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