I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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