I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
