I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
