I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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