i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
