I can text with my tongue
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
