I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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