Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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