she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
