The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
