When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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