Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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