Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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