pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
