I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
