The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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