If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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