Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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