I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
