There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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