I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
