Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
