Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
