Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
