Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
