I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
