hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
