my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
