Umm I'm too high to move.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
