and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
