I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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