Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
