Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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