We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
