is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
