It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
