I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
