I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Never underestimate the power of titties
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