Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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