this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
