It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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