In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
