She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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