He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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