Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
