I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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