he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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