I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
