i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
