Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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