I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
