if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
