I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
