Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
