I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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