when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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