I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
