Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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