she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
