Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
