I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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