So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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