I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
