As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
