now i know why i became what i already was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
