There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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