she smelled like a LAN party
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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