please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
