So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
