is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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