the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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